Holiday Mood

I am still so in holiday mood, after the YE sales and sports day. And heck, exam's coming in 2 weeks time, and YE gotta continue busy again after thursday. And I have to do some preparation, so means I shall be busying again tomorrow. And prefects I gotta burn some CDs, (150++ to be detailed) means not really much time for me to study eh?

And yea, I missed a lot of class for YE. Workshop, sales, and before that ed-board photo thingy, I missed the whole chapter 3, and I haven't even studied them. And the exam is before the holiday, and those papers are really shitty, sciences paper 2 and language paper 1. Damn it man...

Ah well, I shall enjoy my last day of "holiday", I gotta go back to my busy routine after tonight.

Bye sweet days!
Bye relaxing moments,
I shall meet you after the exam, end of June...
wait wait, YE sales and events....
means I shall meet you after July....
wait wait, prefects election, AGM, annual lunch/dinner preparation...
ok, I shall meet you after August....
wait wait...YE annual reports and awards....
I shall meet you after September
wait wait...exam again....
I shall meet you DURING YEAR END HOLIDAY THEN!!!!!
ok....I am starting to feel freaked out by my busy routine....nvm...

random: I fell in love with the word "cucuk" after ungu marching. haha. I really like to use the word cucuk in my lines. go cucuk!!! lolx

prefects' marching...

after the YE sales, we reached school at around 3.30. Put the stuff back to pn phang's seat, and arrange them. Follow her to the office to check out a fax from amcham, a workshop for MD, operation and HR director on wed. sigh, means I will miss ungu practice for YE again, so guilty....

by the time I return to prefects room its around 3.50. Change and then rest a while, marching...but it started at 4.20 i think. and we march till 10pm, with a 7.30-8.00 dinner. time. means around 5 hour marching. cool eh?

next day, saturday was the competition. we just practice and practice during rest and intervals la. Altho we didn't win anything, but it's the first year we join eh, quite good d la. So next year we must at least win no.3, thats the target. Work hard everyone!

p/s: I've been standing from for YE sales, and then friday marching practice, and saturday marching competition, imagine how tired my poor legs will be, and that's not all....more tiring stuff for my legs are coming....

Finally its over!

Finally the citibank sales is over, I am relieved! I just reached home at 10.20 and finished my bath and on9 now. Not gonna post about the sales right now, cause' I am super tired. and for all the marching squad prefects, THANK YOU a loads for staying back just for the 4 of us, the 4 very-troublesome-YE=prefect-member. Because we couldn't participate in the practice due to the sales, so everyone stay from 4pm to 10pm to practice. I am really touched, and at the same time very guilty and feel bad. I will ask YE to belanja you all makan if possible. xDD not guarantee yet, but I will pursuade them. once again thanks to all of you for bearing us the trouble we caused. thank you and sorry for the inconvinient caused.

HELP!!!!

gosh the sales is on this Friday, and yet we still have tonnes of stuff not done yet.

handphone decorations
- the only one done

glasses
- some ugly ones need to redo
- haven't get candies
- not sure we got the cover for cylindrical glasses or not, called lily but no reply

boxes
- dont know the progression
- dont know how many have we make
- GOSH!!!!

fragrance
-almost done, most probably 2morrow get it done (relief)

mouse pad
- Only made one ALMOST complete one (needs some gluing)
- 40++ more to produce
- Not sure we can use bilik jahitan or not
- Need to go home and do

mouse cover
- totally sesat
- dont even know if the prototype is the final prototype or not
- couldn't even find prashanth

ladybird
- not sure about the progression
- none done
- 10-20 half done (painted)
- haven't put up the memo holder
- haven't stick the mini ladybirds beside

others
- paper bags haven't get
- e-mail blast promotion not done
- packaging not done, don't even know what to use, hence haven't get materials to package

you see you see!!! I have only tuesday, wednesday and thursday left!!!! SCREEAAAMMMMSSSS!!!!

and yea, we need to open a bank account ASAP, but, all documents not done yet...AARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!

I feel very guilty to keep delaying my Ed-Board magazine front page layout. Altho Hui Ning says nobody has passed up, but still....I feel guilty. I tried to spare some time to make one, but everytime it is a failure. I made one, but totally a mess. Its like...I am rushing and finish it very quickly. I dont have the patience. Too many things to be acomplished, hence I wasn't able to focus. I just couldn't put away everything and spend 10 hours quietly to do it! I tried 3 times doing already, everytime I finish 1 layout in 1 hour, which is worse than a primary school standard stuff. gosh I feel so damn guilty. Because of YE I abandoned everything. Prefects' marching competition on Saturday, but I don't think I will be able to attend the last practice on Friday, damnit...its the sales....until 3.00pm....sigh....

Photos for Prefects' Leadership and Motivation Camp

Here's some of the photo of the camp, I believe you got bored reading all the process and stuff, so...yea, enjoy the photos. some photo will be kept private, so you won't get to see the guys naked. haha. we prefects can see only, later let ppl see like edison chen ma cham? lolx. anyway the photos aren't in the arranging order, messed them up while posting. but all chun ones. haha

Me and Lie Yang

All Form 4s, missing Lily and Shu Han xD

Form 4s...missing quite a number of peeps

Our banner

Family photo, chun right?

Mua! Cool and steady, haha

See we so bersemangat singing Prefects' Song

Me! the only existing male that got the signature drive award xDDD

Family photo with the banner!

Me and Tiger!

Who's the one being lift so high up ar? who cares...as long its not me (wait I want to be high up, I wish its me then lolx)

Before departure

Prefects' Leadership and Motivation Camp - 13 April (day 3)

ok basically today I woke up at 5.30, bath and wash up, only told that since it was raining, marching session is canceled, and we can sleep until 7.45 i think...then just sleep lo, wake up, breakfast, and skip those unnecessary part...

we were playing dodgeball again in hall, and so lucky me, a ball flew directly to my nose and hit my head hard. ouch ouch, the spects flew off, and left a scar on the nose, bleeding slightly. xD, but 1 minute after that I am active in the field again. bwahahaha, see how cool i am?

and then the activity started. communication skills. just a game, where you do action and the action passed to another one, until the last person he or she will guess what is it. bored of playing that. and it took ages, but we all enjoy the part the teacher playing, pn cheam was like, uhh...i am too shy to do it, and her action really funny, but somehow everytime pn tan will fixed what she did wrong accidently, but it turned just right. lolx when we finish it was 11.30 i think, we have to pack our luggage, take lunch, yea, and then right after lunch come bek and DODGEBALL AGAIN!!!! lolx. see I told you we were addicted.

and then prize giving, su teng's group 3rd, khai hoe's group 2nd, ai shuen's group 1st. and I am glad!!!! I am the only MALE existing that got the signature drive award. the other 1st to 4th (I am 5th), were livia, wan jin, shi yi and jia yee, from 1st to 4th la. see, I make the guys proud. haha.

then after that photo session!!! yes!!! and then return to school. today was not a long day, so nothing much to write, but my entry is not ended here, here comes my conclusion and opinions.

the camp overall is just average, I wouldn't say it helped me in building my leadership or makes me tougher. This camp is more like a relationship building camp. Too relaxing, and no excitment. The activities are quite simple, not much challenge. and there is this facilitator I hate, THE DAMN SISSY WONG FU HENG. perasan, sissy, 38, napek, idiotic, low EQ emcee, ask us to call him xing ye la lengzai la, blueekkkk, cough cough. still say he looks like superstar, if you wear a skirt I though you are the cleaning maid. perasan like hell!!!! esshhh goosebumps.

Group formation wasn't really organized, they should have do something that, we couldn't decide the group on our own, and they don't decide before the camp. and I dislike hostels, yes its comfortable, its because its too comfortable I dun feel camp-like. I rather sleep in dorm like PDS camp, that syok, whole gang can chit chat, now so limited. sigh...location wise, INTI wasn't bad, but perhaps the activities aren't good. Take Sunway as comparison, the activities they made were so much better. It's really team-building, and at the same time has good talks. INTI didn't give talk, altho the form2 and 3 did have their talk, (when we were in the stupid biotech thingy), but 1 talk is just not enough.

I understand they plan to build leadership when the game is running, but when we are playing games, the feeling is different from duty. when playing games, you want to win, thats why teamwork is shown. when dutying, you deal with students. you dont get award, you win nothing, and therefore no teamwork is shown in duty. and I understand talks are boring, but it all depends on the lecturer. for instance, the camp I joined last year, the sunway university talk, all their lecturers are well-experienced, and they talk without making 222 of us sleeping. and last year prefect's camp, the Q&A session remember? that was really helpful. I think I rate this camp a 5/10, no offence but, it's really not a camp to me, more like a lawatan sambil belajar.

Prefects' Leadership and Motivation Camp - 12 April (day 2)

the second day, woke up, wash, and start marching session at 6.30 till 8. after all get into lines, lily was called to keluar baris, and walk into the middle of the field, and then shin yee gave a command "squad, akan menyanyikan lagu happy birthday, cepat nyanyi!" lolx. since it was lily's birthday. hmm...and then...(refreshing my memory), breakfast, and...yea! campus tour! while waiting for the teachers, we took a lot of photos, really a whole bulk. xD

the campus tour wasn't my "cup of tea", I would prefer activities compared to walking and viewing the college. anyway, its a time for us to be together without having the "team vs team" feeling. and after the campus tour should have a ledership talk session, but at the end the form4 and 5s are off to a biotechnology talk (again boring...) and left the form 2 and 3s for the session. of course I wouldn't know what happened, as I was at the zzzz talk. and after that is lunch time.

after lunch we had to make a big big banner, all 12 groups have to work together, there's where the chs prefects are good in. hehe. we really had fun painting, and the banner was totally awesome! altho we were separated and each do your own part, the whole banner still shows great unity. for my team, we paint our hand and start printing words with our palms. really fun man.

and then yea, i forgot to mention, last night we were playing dodgeball, and haven get rid of that "addiction", and thus after painting we continue dodgeball for a while. owww.....it reminds me of the Form2 days....I MISS DODGEBALL!!! but I hate the balls of khai hoe...(balls that are thrown, not the err....his balls...?....), damn hard woei...can bruise one leh. he really has a killing intention man, ouch....

after a while we continue another game, (i think u all bored of seeing me writing diary lo, I just skip the unnecessary part la), we use 2 rafia strings, 2 person holding each end, means 4 person together, using the strings to hold a balloon and pass it to the other end. nothing much to talk about this. then eat, bath, night activity.

express yourself. each group is to come out with a prototype using an A4 paper, that you will make in the future to change the world. I think nothing much impressed me, and we just couldn't think "out" of the box, somehow 3-4 groups come out with boxes kind, with different names. Lily was saying that we were thinking "around" the box.

and then the game that seniors planned, tying everyone in your group into a straight line, and walk on newspaper, while picking up the stones and IQ question on floor. well, altho my group wasn't the best, but the seniors say that we are the most obedient group, cause' we didn't tear the newspaper apart accidently, didn't step on the floor (on the floor means your leg is outside the newspaper). I was satisfied with that already, it shows that we are more about the process, not the ending result. We didn't care what result we will obtain, we just play with the rules, and make sure we do the best throughout the process.

And yea, after that go lie yang's room again, 12 ppl squeeze into a room that is meant for 2 ppl, we were having discussion. P&C discussion, form4 prefects and some form5 know only. and we sleep very late...until bobo shoo us to sleep. xD

Prefects' Leadership and Motivation Camp - 11 April (day 1)

ok...lets see where should I start from....

after school around 12.40pm, the prefects' room is super crowded with peeps. everyone is grabbing the white board hot spot, to change behind the board. at the end the form4 guys monopolized the board, cus with some tortoises and snails behind taking sweet time (i should have took their naked photo), and the girls are all frustrated and left for the block C toilet to change. lolx...

then we have lunch, with jules' mom, she belanja us xD, free lunch!

at 1.45pm we gathered and take attendance, and go up the bus. hmm...form4 took a lot of stupid photos. and then we start saying, ho....pity zongyao having this roommate, he needs to take care of himself oredi. (he sleeps with our ketua disiplin when we were form2) hahax. after around 1hour plus journey we reached our destination - INTI international university college. and then we take our keys, and go to the room to drop our stuff. my roommate is jinyee, they say put random. but after we asked, they say some random some put u with ur close friend. actually i want lie yang!!! lolx. my emo partner. at night we can start emoing without sleeping d. now with jin yee need to do totally opposite, glee! xD

at around 4 we enter the sports hall, sitting down. while waiting of course I take photo la. and then a mr.wong came, i really dislike him, personal opinion, he looks sissy, and super perasan. he wants us to call him lengzai (when he looks half-girl) or xing ye (stephen chow), goosebumps....essh. and then off he go, dr.sia came in and gave us some talk, or introduction to the camp u could say, then separate groups. its like all form3, 4, 5 each form a circle, and then count 1-12, all no1 one group, no2 one group etc. i thought it is just a meanwhile-group, so we didn't actually count to put ourselves with our besties. ahhhxxxx...nvm, my besties are all good leaders, or else we will have to fight for the leader pose. haha.

i was placed in group3, with yee aun edrea (form4), hui yee, ee lynn, sarah (form5, after form2 came bobo oso placed in our group), shu li, wai soon and zhi cheng (form3). we have to think of a name, moto and group dance for the team. so after a long discussion, we decided to take our name from spongebob squarepants, calling ourselves superBOB (Best Of Best), and the group cheer, same as moto la, is super B.O.B, we are the best of best! and the dance, cant describe to u here. haha. but i like it la, yengness.

then we present 1 by 1, then another activity that was meant to build trust in the group. first we go group by group, the whole group needs to lift up your member one by one over your head, then is 4 teams join together, sending all members over obstacles one by one. that's cool man, altho our 1-4 group was the last, but we were glad that we pass all our members to the other side, at first dr.sia (instructor) said we can excuse yung hsin, but we didn't give up on him and we "just do it". I really like the team spirit man.

makan at 6.30. after that we got to bath etc, till 8 return to the hall, and the form2 join us. this time plus huey chen, tze gee, jia shin (plus bobo lo), and our group has 13 ppl now. so choose leader, i think me n yee aun same voting eh, or 1 diff. but i din plan to be leader at the first place la, i mean i am the photographer, so have to keep going out to take photo, den the group always no leader eh. anyways, yee aun be leader, i be asst. but actually just the name only, the whole team r leaders. xD all make decision and take chance to lead.

then we are separated to two sides, group 1-6 one side, 7-12 one side, carry out different activity. we had our first game, blind-fold, one ppl excepted, and all tied in a circle, the not-blinded one give instruction to the team to move around to pick stuff. then switch, only one blind folded, others all give instruction. i wasn't blind folded first, then was blind folded. quite sesat. lolx. then we finished and see the other side, omg, the guys are all top-naked. xD. we dunno wats going on, but we all started to drop jaws, and the girls in the group keep saying want to see bobo strip. xD

then our turn. the game is to take everything on ur group, watch, shoes, socks, etc to form a longest line possible. we start taking off shoes, socks, belt, name tags, watches, wallets, handphones, shoe laces, at the end have to take off shirt d. only guys take off shirt, girls cannot. (duh). our group only 4 guys eh!!!! not enough shirt!!!! nvm. then line formed, all sit at the side, we start taking bobo's photo. haha. so kesian him. then the result is our group got second longest line. not bad la.

then INTI ppl went off, form5 committee take over. we play another game, guys one circle girls one circle which is formed outside the guys' and start singing song and making action. funny la, this is the lyrics:

the carnivore king with a big nose ring,
fall in love with a hula dame,
and every night in the bright moonlight,
over the hills he came.

they hug can kiss in the pretty little mist,
under the bamboo tree,
and every night in the bright moonlight,
it sounded like this to me.

guys : ah wum (kiss)
girls : bu yao jiang! (don't like dis)
guys : ah wum (kiss)
girls : bu yao jiang! (don't like dis)
both : ah wu yi ai yi ye

guys : ah wum (kiss)
girls : bu yao jiang! (don't like dis)
guys : ah wum (kiss)girls : bu yao jiang! (don't like dis)
both : ah wu yi ai yi ye

damn sesat woei. zadou...after the game its around 11.30 plus. den we take supper, and can go to sleep. we go lie yang's room party. haha. actually just chit chat la, until dunno wat time only we left, cus i really tired and dun remember wat time. I actually slept in lie yang's room man....lolx

Just returned from camp

Yo yo I am back! zzzz kinda tired. Had fun, altho the games mostly are played before, but still, its a pleasure to hang out with friends, especially, WHEN YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT FREAKING YE!!!! (oh I wish to stay in INTI forever) anyway, I will upload the photos and entry later soon.

And and and I got tonnes of things to do now, this and that, homework ini dan itu.

Oh yea, my mom bought VISTA, but I dun like it, not until i use it. hey come on, human are usually afraid of changing. After get used to the vista den MAYBE ok la. but from wat my relatives said, vista is hard to handle and my cousins all revert back to XP after few weeks.

dear bloggie...

dear bloggie...I will be away from 2moro till sunday for prefects' camp, won't be blogging till then, and I need to have a good night sleep today....but it seems that the cruel reality doesn't allow me to do so...

the whole day after school is all about YE, stay back for production and got mad because of some people, and after that sort out the attendance list and busy calling people till now, and do you know how many homework I need to pass up 2morrow?

1) add-maths
2) bio peka
3) tatabahasa
4) Essay
5) rumusan (i think)
6) BC workbook

looking at add maths, peka and essay, you know these three will take at least 2 hours, tatabahasa plus rumusan yet another 1 hour, BC workbook can be done in flash....3 hours of homework, but I just couldn't find a time to do them....

sigh....why is my life so busy....???? I seriously hate YE now!!!

p/s: thx thx thx huining for being so nice to allow me to delay my deadline for the layout. and really sorry about that, cause' I really couldn't find any spare time to do it.

....yawnz again....

what should I do, hell...I seriously dunno...I just finish all the cds that are supposed to be burned last year and distributed early in the year. thx to SOMEONE (stares at the particular person), delay until few weeks ago only return to me and not done with them. I burned all of them in a night woei. and u know what, the cd u say u burn d 1 ar, all = reburn. cause' i dunno why u can burn 1 subfolder which contains like 7-8 photo to a cd, and then another cd with 4 subfolders, and some with 2 only. then i have to add back all the subfolders which are like 8-10 so i can burn them. thank god the cd can still be used and not wasted. or else...hmph hmph...

i am glad that i finished the signature drive by the deadline. at least i got all the signature of every single senior of mine ever since i am in form2. but wait....my batch one leh? i didn't have the collection wor. ah nvm, next year junior do d i go photostat. lolx

i am thinking bout quitting the freaking YE. depends on situation. most likely will make up my mind after the sales. really cannot tahan redi...

Prefects' Signature Drive

Signature drive was started yesterday, I feel so proud of myself, haha. I've got 23/42 in 2 days. Well the others left are quite difficult tasks. So I shouldn't be so happy yet. Well so far what Kee Siang and Wai Kit ask me was the hardest. Kee Siang : what is his relationship with OwYeong XL. Wai Kit : what is his relationship with Hua Yen. walao A....I would rather do 100 essays of Min Chern ("The Hierarchy, Democracy and Unity of the Prefectorial Board"). well...maybe not 100....than doing that la. It's like, totally clueless, who should I ask????

and I am here to clarify that...AH beng ah beng you very nice!!!! lolx....zadou...its like we are kutuking each other when I ask for his signature, and then he can play childish and say, hmph dun give u nvr ask from me again kind. lolx. but at the end still make him give me, cause he owes me a lot, haha. I nvr know saving his money to belanja me is so useful. Last time he offered to belanja me and jin yee for drinks after helping him out, but that time I feel like, I am a member of the board la, should help one, not for the reward kind. so rejected him last time. and then now I suddenly remembered that and say u owe me for helping u until late night, so now repay me with 1 signature that takes ur 10 seconds, very reasonable 1 lo. haha. remember ar! next time ppl belanja you better decline, save for future EMERGENCY use. haha.

okla now for YE, today got Shiau Ling, Yee Aun, Jia Xin, Julian, Kai Sein, Shaun, Michelle. But somehow I don't really feel anything about the presence or absence, it's like, paralysed d. everytime oso like dat. go with the flow la, no nid 2 force ppl so hard, at the end they know la. feel rather calm lo. okla chaoz. thats all this time.

p/s: yay lily I finally got my 37th post, more than u redi. haha see how cool i am.

naze naze naze naze naze DOSHITE!!!!???

Getting to explode. Why is the god so unfair? You didn't give me a new friend good enought to share my problems, but instead you gave me 2 more f***ing damn fools to deal with. As if my life is not miserable enough. Why do I have to face some effing noob to deal with in school who keeps bother me, and even when I am suppose to relax at home in front of computer I have to face another damn freaking noob!!!??? THIS IS THE WORST!!!!

I think I should quit on9, quit messenger. It's like nobody on9 to chat with me, but on9 to bother me. YOU ARE MAKING MY LIFE MISERABLE!!!!! OH PLS, CAN U JUST GIVE ME MORE FREEDOM!!!!!!!????? DONT MAKE ME START HATING EVERY SINGLE HUMAN BEING IN THIS WORLD!!!!!!!! DONT MAKE ME BLOCK YOU FOR GODS SAKE. AND PLS DONT GIVE MY MAIL ADDRESS TO SIMPLY ANYBODY JUST IN CASE I HAVE TO MEET UP WITH MORE F***ING NOOBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD U ARE SO UNFAIR! U MAKE ME IN A STUPID CLASS, AND U CREATE DISTANCE BETWEEN ME AND MY BEST FRIENDS. U R MAKING ME TO LOSE THEM, WE STARTING TO LOSE CONTACT, AND YET U GIVE MORE FREAKING F***ING FREAKS TO DEAL WITH. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS????? AM I SUPPOSE TO THANK YOU FOR THAT???? MY LIFE IS HELL STRESSFUL ENOUGH AND YOU BRINGFORTH MORE STRESS TO ME. IF THIS IS A JOKE PLS CUT IT OUT. DONT MAKE ME JUMP FROM ROOF ONE DAY JUST TO GO AND LOOK FOR YOU FOR REVENGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I dunno what am I on9 for now. on9 originally is to release my stress, but it is making me more frustrated. I realise i am getting hot-tempered these days but I couldn't help it. Its like...an alternative way for me to release my stress and anger, but on someone that shouldn't deserved to be treated that way. The only thing I can do is to release them here, but blogging here didn't help me at all, its just another way to suppress the feeling, and one day its most likely going to explode.

I thought giving myself more stress and pressure would make me forget the other things. I tent to volunteer for this for that and make more burden to myself so I can work on those stuff and forget the others, but continuosly doing this really worn me out. I am so tired and I couldn't even think right. This holiday seriously did not had a good rest. ITS ALL ABOUT YE!!!!! calling and calling, and spent 10 bucks just on the day I reload my phone. planning and planning, thinking and thinking. THIS HOLIDAY IS NOT A REST!!!! ITS A PERIOD TO DO MORE WORK!!!!!!!! You see my to-do list few post ago? I have only done half of them and school's reopening in 32 hours time.

damnit. I feel like an old man, I feel like I couldn't cope up with my life anymore. THERE'S NOTHING GOOD TO BE ADMIRED AS THE MANAGING DIRECTOR OR WHAT!!! IF YOU WANT THE POSE JUST TAKE IT!!!!!!!! I RATHER BE A NORMAL MEMBER JUST TO SIT DOWN AND FOLLOW WHAT PPL HAS PLANNED. I HATE DOING PLANNINGS NOW. this post is all about frustration and I even had a gastric till now what I've typed. I feel like breaking things up. I hate ppl that always throw everything to me by adding a word "boss" at the end. It makes me feel like I have the responsibility to do it, WHEN WHAT A BOSS DOES IS SUPPOSE TO ORDER PPL TO DO THINGS.

Have I the right to call pplto chill and not to be miserable and don't be depressed? I DONT EVEN HAVE THE RIGHT TO. How foolish am I when I was leaving comments on other ppl's blog to ask them to chill or so. Yea saying chill is so easy. It's not making the person to feel any better, but rather feel like an insult. It sounded as if they ask you to chill and suppress your feelings and dont show it in front of me, then go home to release your feeling to the wall or anything. Right now just listen to me kind of feeling. If it happens so to you when I dropped a comment, I apoologize for my foolishness. By then I was only trying to show you my support, I hope you dont misunderstand. Maybe it sounded an insult when I did not state things clear.

yea kai boon is back emo-ing, but if that's what you think you're wrong. I AM ALWAYS EMO-ING. just that I didn't show that I am in a depression. Showing it too much, ppl will say "this guy is trying to get attention", don't show it, your friend will say "why keep it to yourself, share it" who can I share with??? I am cut off from any form of connection with everyone I can trust. I always acted so hyper-ish and so funny-ish but I feel I am very fake. I am covering the fact that I am not happy at all when doing those things that you only do when you are in a good mood. I just hate the fact that I have to go all the way to you to tell you I am in a depression if you are my best friend. I thought you should have noticed that I am sort of different than the usual me. Is it too much to ask you to just come foward and ask about how am I doing? Or is it that you are not bothered with what's happening to me? That's the reason, the reason, I share less with you. my joy my tears my depression my crush my current self, I realise I share none of them with you. Are we that close so that we can share the uppest most secret with each other?

As to another friend, another best friend. I wished to help, but I couldn't find the way to. I couldn't help, I feel like I shouldn't bother you for help either, altho you said you are always willing to help me, and it sounded sincere, but I just couldn't ask myself to get help from you anymore. I feel as if I am a bother, I am only seeking help but I don't lend my hands. I tried to reach you, but it always seem hard to reach. I couldn't bare to ask anymre help from you anymore. I don't want to be a leech just to leech out all the energy you have left to help me, when you are so fragile yourself and need the energy to stand up.

where is the me that I used to be??? I am lost. I want to find the me that I used to be. I wanna be happy, I wanna play. Even going out for a friend meeting, its not a meeting that I can actually put everything aside and really enjoy myself. Despite that I seem happy enough, but the day before actually stressed me a lot. We were having a meeting in amcorp for YE. It chills me from inside out. I keep having these "YE ghost" to haunt me everytime I thought I was laughing in full joy. It worns me out just to last for 6 hours and I have to sit down and take a 5 minute nap, which it never happens even I went for a 10 hours outing with a whole gang of friends before. I seriously want to drop this pose. I don't want to be MD, whats the point of getting gerko marks, chance of getting into uni, chance of being petted by the teacher? ITS ALL WORTHLESS. If I can, I would rather be someone else, that has no name in school, someone that teacher will never notice, which nobody recognise, I just feel that the more the teacher looks highly on me and put more hopes on me, it gives me more and more stress. I JUST WANNA SCREAM!!!! What you guys said the day before, "what pose what pose you can get next year" IT CHILLS ME INSIDE OUT. It gives me a sense that I have so much responsibility and so much to do.

Being miserable is part of growing up, but being THIS miserable? I doubt.

still on SPM result

well yesterday lazy to complete the entry, so today continue with it with more detail for the duty.

We were belanja-ed breakfast by MrLean. and due to traffic jam the teacher was late for half hour, and we were mumbling y teacher so late 1 ar. and actually we should start duty at 9, at the end we start eating at 9 and duty from 9.30. lol eat nasi lemak lo, and then duty. Really see a lot of lalas, all sorts of hair style and fashion cloths. and coloured hair, and guys with really long hairs...lol it was actually funny to see them, esspecially a girl, maroon hair, with 2 long pink coloured "tail" like on her hair. very obvious those kind of pink, its like the pink colour from ur buncho poster colour kind of pink.

yea and the peeps were really funny, no la natural colour, wah our school used to have a lot angmo with blonde hair eh. lol and they tried every way they could to borrow caps, some guy dun wanna borrow them, even their hair is not dyed. why? THEY JUST CAME BACK FROM NS!!! lol, their hair is used-to-be-james'-style, botak, haha, and including andrew. yes andrew siau, but he didn't wear cap la, so pn lim yk see him wah, model hair style, stand here and show every1. lol.

and yea, when wen zhen came in, she was hi-ing with all the form5s, form3 she dun really know la, but somehow she din see me. lol......when she is about to go, only she see, ei kai boon hi, wah....lol....seems like my existance beside people is really weak, cannot see i am there kind. hmph! next time dont take ur photo d. lol (wait, i stop taking her photo after she retire, and its not like shes coming back to school just to get her photo taken, haha)

anyway, and jie hui changed a lot, jyh ling was sitting in the teacher's car and came in so megah (cause' students' car are not allowed to enter the school, so those came with car oso have to stop outside) and and....a lot seniors oso but they were like a whole gang standing at the entrance talking to teacher, and everyone thought they cannot go in because so many ppl were outside "being blocked" (is they volunteer to stay outside one okay? they want to talk to teacher so they stay outside as if they were not allowed to enter the school)

anyway, altho feel kinda....zadou to go for the duty, but overall still okay la, and seeing those ppl are another form of entertaintment. lol. and i think we are going to be given merit marks O_O but before we went we dunno one lo, haha. see we so good, go duty even tho we dunno got merit marks, so of cuz should be given more marks ma. haha.

ok thats all for this one. chaoz