dear bloggie...I will be away from 2moro till sunday for prefects' camp, won't be blogging till then, and I need to have a good night sleep today....but it seems that the cruel reality doesn't allow me to do so...
the whole day after school is all about YE, stay back for production and got mad because of some people, and after that sort out the attendance list and busy calling people till now, and do you know how many homework I need to pass up 2morrow?
1) add-maths
2) bio peka
3) tatabahasa
4) Essay
5) rumusan (i think)
6) BC workbook
looking at add maths, peka and essay, you know these three will take at least 2 hours, tatabahasa plus rumusan yet another 1 hour, BC workbook can be done in flash....3 hours of homework, but I just couldn't find a time to do them....
sigh....why is my life so busy....???? I seriously hate YE now!!!
p/s: thx thx thx huining for being so nice to allow me to delay my deadline for the layout. and really sorry about that, cause' I really couldn't find any spare time to do it.
Showing posts with label freak. Show all posts
Showing posts with label freak. Show all posts
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
gosh....
yawnz....after relaxing for about a week (cant say relax, just i am not dat stressed up), now i gotta go siao again...sales is on 25th, 2 weeks time, next week must finish the production, and now i dun think we are even halfway thru yet......i reli reli reli reli no energy to ask all the ppl to get me their prototypes done d......they are not even bothered to show me or tell me their progress...
and then the sales is so near now...i seriously dunno wat to do liao. pn phang is just complaining what we have done, saying this no quality control, that no good, what's the point etc...deng la, then she shud protest at the beginning in the meeting when we submit the idea la, now she tell us, what is the purpose of this, got ppl will buy meh, can sell meh? wtf? is she listening when we are giving ideas???? she is just complaining and cooling down ppl's passion. ppl got the "ohm" to do things den she say this no gud dat useless. nobody 1 2 do d lo. she say what's the point, got use meh, ok la get me sumthing dat is useful and can be produced and got ppl will buy la. we make things useful, she say useless, ppl can get thsoe factory-made one, much nicer and useful. oklo we go for decorations, hopefully ppl will buy juz because they admire the artwork and to make their working table more beautiful, and she say, what's the use. whatever we do she just complain say no good lo
and now i want to ask sumthing...WHERE THE F*** IS YOUR LADYBIRD!?? if it's that good, give us the model so we can start making! u say i will get it done get it done, but every week u tell me i am sending it to the worker to make me the model. I HAVE WAIT THIS FOR WEEKS! how the hell am i suppose to know we will succeed in making that!? I've seen some that was done, and IT WAS AWFUL!!! how will i feel safe n secure if I AM ONLY COUNTING ON THAT THING!?? yes the idea is good, BUT HELL IT IS SO HARD TO MAKE. imagine making sumthing ladybird shaped, drill holes on it to put pens (pens come in different sizes), cut a gap to put name cards, coil wire to make memo pad by the side, IS THIS THAT EASILY DONE!? i bet a lot of problems will occur. quality control especially.
seriously i am thinking of quitting it after this damn f***ing sales. HOW CAN YOU WORK WITH A TEACHER ADVISORS THAT ONLY PICK ON YOUR IDEAS AND THINKS ONLY WHAT SHE SEES IS THE BEST!? how can you work with a teacher that nvr gives compliment but only complains!? how can you work for a teacher, THAT RARELY APPEARS DURING ACTIVITIES AND DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON, and EXPECT ME TO TELL HER EVERY SINGLE THING!?
oh damn f***, she says: the plant last year, all ppl are crazed for it, but on the very first day she elect me as the MD, she says: "i fed up d, this year i let u handle n i see how u will handle" i ask her, teacher is it possible to get the plants again, she say she is tired of taking care of the plants, if we 1 2 do do ourselves. SHE ONLY COMPARE US TO LAST YEAR'S!!!! and SHE CAN HELL COMPLAIN EVEN WITHOUT GIVING ANY HELP. so i run the organisation from WHAT I CAN DO, and WHAT I KNOW. i go as far as my power can, imagine the ppl aren't active for the production, and I have to be the production manager, quality control manager, sometimes the secretary, and I'VE NEVER COMPLAIN AS MUCH AS SHE DOES. ok I do complain, but I complain after I give my fullest, but she, just pick on our faults, without telling us how to solve the problem, and EXPECT US TO READ HER MIND AND FOLLOW WHAT SHE WANTS. I feel like a puppet. I am nothing. I wanna god damn f***ing hell smash her table right now.
DON'T THINK I AM SO FREE FOR UR F***ING YE FOR GOODNESS SAKE, I HAVE NOT BEEN DOING MY ED-BOARD THING SINCE UR FREAKING YE COMES IN, I GOT A LAYOUT TO HAND IN THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW, AND BECAUSE OF UR F***ING YE I DON'T THINK I WILL BE ABLE TO GET IT DONE. BECAUSE OF UR F***ING YE I HAVE NOT BEEN GETTING ENOUGH SLEEP AND OFTEN SLEEPS IN CLASS, AND I OFTEN COPY PPL'S HOMEWORK JUST BECAUSE I COULDN'T FINISH THEM AT HOME. STOP ASKING FOR THE UNREASONABLES YOU DAMN F***ING B*T*H
and then the sales is so near now...i seriously dunno wat to do liao. pn phang is just complaining what we have done, saying this no quality control, that no good, what's the point etc...deng la, then she shud protest at the beginning in the meeting when we submit the idea la, now she tell us, what is the purpose of this, got ppl will buy meh, can sell meh? wtf? is she listening when we are giving ideas???? she is just complaining and cooling down ppl's passion. ppl got the "ohm" to do things den she say this no gud dat useless. nobody 1 2 do d lo. she say what's the point, got use meh, ok la get me sumthing dat is useful and can be produced and got ppl will buy la. we make things useful, she say useless, ppl can get thsoe factory-made one, much nicer and useful. oklo we go for decorations, hopefully ppl will buy juz because they admire the artwork and to make their working table more beautiful, and she say, what's the use. whatever we do she just complain say no good lo
and now i want to ask sumthing...WHERE THE F*** IS YOUR LADYBIRD!?? if it's that good, give us the model so we can start making! u say i will get it done get it done, but every week u tell me i am sending it to the worker to make me the model. I HAVE WAIT THIS FOR WEEKS! how the hell am i suppose to know we will succeed in making that!? I've seen some that was done, and IT WAS AWFUL!!! how will i feel safe n secure if I AM ONLY COUNTING ON THAT THING!?? yes the idea is good, BUT HELL IT IS SO HARD TO MAKE. imagine making sumthing ladybird shaped, drill holes on it to put pens (pens come in different sizes), cut a gap to put name cards, coil wire to make memo pad by the side, IS THIS THAT EASILY DONE!? i bet a lot of problems will occur. quality control especially.
seriously i am thinking of quitting it after this damn f***ing sales. HOW CAN YOU WORK WITH A TEACHER ADVISORS THAT ONLY PICK ON YOUR IDEAS AND THINKS ONLY WHAT SHE SEES IS THE BEST!? how can you work with a teacher that nvr gives compliment but only complains!? how can you work for a teacher, THAT RARELY APPEARS DURING ACTIVITIES AND DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON, and EXPECT ME TO TELL HER EVERY SINGLE THING!?
oh damn f***, she says: the plant last year, all ppl are crazed for it, but on the very first day she elect me as the MD, she says: "i fed up d, this year i let u handle n i see how u will handle" i ask her, teacher is it possible to get the plants again, she say she is tired of taking care of the plants, if we 1 2 do do ourselves. SHE ONLY COMPARE US TO LAST YEAR'S!!!! and SHE CAN HELL COMPLAIN EVEN WITHOUT GIVING ANY HELP. so i run the organisation from WHAT I CAN DO, and WHAT I KNOW. i go as far as my power can, imagine the ppl aren't active for the production, and I have to be the production manager, quality control manager, sometimes the secretary, and I'VE NEVER COMPLAIN AS MUCH AS SHE DOES. ok I do complain, but I complain after I give my fullest, but she, just pick on our faults, without telling us how to solve the problem, and EXPECT US TO READ HER MIND AND FOLLOW WHAT SHE WANTS. I feel like a puppet. I am nothing. I wanna god damn f***ing hell smash her table right now.
DON'T THINK I AM SO FREE FOR UR F***ING YE FOR GOODNESS SAKE, I HAVE NOT BEEN DOING MY ED-BOARD THING SINCE UR FREAKING YE COMES IN, I GOT A LAYOUT TO HAND IN THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW, AND BECAUSE OF UR F***ING YE I DON'T THINK I WILL BE ABLE TO GET IT DONE. BECAUSE OF UR F***ING YE I HAVE NOT BEEN GETTING ENOUGH SLEEP AND OFTEN SLEEPS IN CLASS, AND I OFTEN COPY PPL'S HOMEWORK JUST BECAUSE I COULDN'T FINISH THEM AT HOME. STOP ASKING FOR THE UNREASONABLES YOU DAMN F***ING B*T*H
Monday, March 31, 2008
31st March
2day lets just say, half dissapointed half glad, plus some pain. after school YE production was...how should I say...ok we've got very very very little ppl who turned up, I can name all of them. Chen Nyap, Khai Hoe, Jin Yee, Christine, Julian, Adrian, Lily, Su Saint, Felicia, Zean Shiung. See. dissapointment no.1
dissapointment no.2, ppl are still complaining. but glad nol.1, they complain less and do more work 2day. maybe I can consider not to scold ppl that harsh this thursday.
pain no.1, I cut my finger quite deep and was bleeding quite awfully. well, lily was like, showing no mercy when trying to stop my bleeding. Pressing all the blood out so hard. xD. According to her, it's like "the good thing about stopping other ppl's blood is you wont feel the pain so you will not hestitate to press it as hard as you can". xDDDDD
well and then, after production, disapointment no.3. THE PEEPS MENCALARKAN MEJA ORANG LAIN!!!!!!!! how can they not having old newspaper beneath when they are cutting things with blade. I was like, omg common sense oso know you need to cover the table up. Is it that those are not your tables so you can do whatever you want? And after scratching the table they dun even feel guilty and start omg-ing until I discover myself.
and then I put all the things to pn.phang's place, and found out the staffroom locked. try to boro ed-board room (tho I feel guilty for making it like a store for YE, but reli cannot bring home all of them at once la), and oso locked, and finally I have to put in prefects' room la, but feel quite unsafe there, its like there are so many ppl there and who knows ppl might accidently dirty the thing or stepped on it.
Glad no.2, dun tell you. my own secret.
FRUSTRATION. my BM was 84 when the teacher returned to me. I was so freaking happy, and only to discover he forgot to give me 5 more marks. if I got the 5 my purata will be 80.8 this time and win becca who has 80.7. and then you know what? the freaking teacher says that 89 is just too high and he remark my paper. I see him flipping my paper more than 3 times and the 4th or 5th time finally he use his red pen and write something. at the end I got only 86! I mean, if it doesn't affect my class position I dun mind, but after he minus it my purata is 80.5, I lost to becca d! It's like he got nothing to minus d he just simply change my 25/30 karangan to 24/30, and then simply minus my mark from pemahaman without givng me reason. he just put a cross anywhere he wants. I ask him why wrong he say ini salah, kamu ada markah begitu tinggi d jangan cari saya lagi. WTF??? if wrong ok i accept, but tell me why wrong, you cant tell me I wrong because I got high marks, its so unfair!!!! if the answer is accepted then should accept la, you cannot dun accept it bcause my mark was too high, but it doesn't even exceed 100. if exceed 100 u dun give me mark understood la, but this is like....ARRGGGHHHH. so damn unfair woei, my tatabahasa onli got 1 peribahasa mistake minus 2 mark, karangan no error 25/30, rumusan 28/30 and pemahaman got a bit error minus 2 marks, so should be 11. correct la 89/100, but now, he change my mark just because he feel like changing it. how can he be so unreasonable. all the classmates go out and ask him WHY IS THIS WRONG, but they are not ASKING FOR MARKS, he just say ini salah pergi duduk. ini tidak boleh diterima but without telling you why. I mean, learning from your mistake, I DUN EVEN KNOW WHY WRONG HOW CAN I AVOID MAKING THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN!!?? or is it that you cant come up with a good reason for giving us wrong so u just shut our mouth by force?
and got some freak ar, reli wanna eff him d. I decided to ask for sejarah marks and at the end feel like my answer isn't good enough n din go, he keep asking, got add ma, i feel so frustrated and say 2 marks onli add no add oso same. he says, yalo 2 marks onli ma 84 quite high d la, no nid 2 beg one. I feel like slapping him woei. He got 97 and go ask marks here n there until he got 100, shut ur eff mouth up la. and my BM, he says, aiya 84 oso add till 86 d ma, highest in the class d la still beg for wat. wtf I dun beg just because I want the marks to make my result look nicer, but ITS THE MARK I DESERVE OK???? I DUN ASK MARKS OR BEG FOR IT WHEN I DUN DESERVE THEM. I feel like slapping this guy real hard. HE KEEPS BEGGING FOR MARKS AND NOW HE SAYS aiya 2 marks 3 marks NO NID 2 BEG to ME!!??? tell yourself woei you bastard. seriously kiasu guy. reli tak tahan him d.
losing to becca isn't much a great deal. if my mark is originally losing to her I DUN MIND you know. I mean, you got ur marks deducted for NO REASON and it AFFECTS YOUR CLASS POSITION, WILL YOU FEEL FRUSTRATED!!!???? I tell you I am so gonna get 80 for my BM next time and show him MY BM IS STRONG AND DOES NOT GAIN MARKS THRU BEGGING. if he still says wah 80 tinggi and go minus my marks ar, I reli going to tell the adminstration man. HOW CAN A TEACHER MINUS MARKS JUST BECAUSE HE FEELS LIKE HE WANTED TO DO SO???
dissapointment no.2, ppl are still complaining. but glad nol.1, they complain less and do more work 2day. maybe I can consider not to scold ppl that harsh this thursday.
pain no.1, I cut my finger quite deep and was bleeding quite awfully. well, lily was like, showing no mercy when trying to stop my bleeding. Pressing all the blood out so hard. xD. According to her, it's like "the good thing about stopping other ppl's blood is you wont feel the pain so you will not hestitate to press it as hard as you can". xDDDDD
well and then, after production, disapointment no.3. THE PEEPS MENCALARKAN MEJA ORANG LAIN!!!!!!!! how can they not having old newspaper beneath when they are cutting things with blade. I was like, omg common sense oso know you need to cover the table up. Is it that those are not your tables so you can do whatever you want? And after scratching the table they dun even feel guilty and start omg-ing until I discover myself.
and then I put all the things to pn.phang's place, and found out the staffroom locked. try to boro ed-board room (tho I feel guilty for making it like a store for YE, but reli cannot bring home all of them at once la), and oso locked, and finally I have to put in prefects' room la, but feel quite unsafe there, its like there are so many ppl there and who knows ppl might accidently dirty the thing or stepped on it.
Glad no.2, dun tell you. my own secret.
FRUSTRATION. my BM was 84 when the teacher returned to me. I was so freaking happy, and only to discover he forgot to give me 5 more marks. if I got the 5 my purata will be 80.8 this time and win becca who has 80.7. and then you know what? the freaking teacher says that 89 is just too high and he remark my paper. I see him flipping my paper more than 3 times and the 4th or 5th time finally he use his red pen and write something. at the end I got only 86! I mean, if it doesn't affect my class position I dun mind, but after he minus it my purata is 80.5, I lost to becca d! It's like he got nothing to minus d he just simply change my 25/30 karangan to 24/30, and then simply minus my mark from pemahaman without givng me reason. he just put a cross anywhere he wants. I ask him why wrong he say ini salah, kamu ada markah begitu tinggi d jangan cari saya lagi. WTF??? if wrong ok i accept, but tell me why wrong, you cant tell me I wrong because I got high marks, its so unfair!!!! if the answer is accepted then should accept la, you cannot dun accept it bcause my mark was too high, but it doesn't even exceed 100. if exceed 100 u dun give me mark understood la, but this is like....ARRGGGHHHH. so damn unfair woei, my tatabahasa onli got 1 peribahasa mistake minus 2 mark, karangan no error 25/30, rumusan 28/30 and pemahaman got a bit error minus 2 marks, so should be 11. correct la 89/100, but now, he change my mark just because he feel like changing it. how can he be so unreasonable. all the classmates go out and ask him WHY IS THIS WRONG, but they are not ASKING FOR MARKS, he just say ini salah pergi duduk. ini tidak boleh diterima but without telling you why. I mean, learning from your mistake, I DUN EVEN KNOW WHY WRONG HOW CAN I AVOID MAKING THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN!!?? or is it that you cant come up with a good reason for giving us wrong so u just shut our mouth by force?
and got some freak ar, reli wanna eff him d. I decided to ask for sejarah marks and at the end feel like my answer isn't good enough n din go, he keep asking, got add ma, i feel so frustrated and say 2 marks onli add no add oso same. he says, yalo 2 marks onli ma 84 quite high d la, no nid 2 beg one. I feel like slapping him woei. He got 97 and go ask marks here n there until he got 100, shut ur eff mouth up la. and my BM, he says, aiya 84 oso add till 86 d ma, highest in the class d la still beg for wat. wtf I dun beg just because I want the marks to make my result look nicer, but ITS THE MARK I DESERVE OK???? I DUN ASK MARKS OR BEG FOR IT WHEN I DUN DESERVE THEM. I feel like slapping this guy real hard. HE KEEPS BEGGING FOR MARKS AND NOW HE SAYS aiya 2 marks 3 marks NO NID 2 BEG to ME!!??? tell yourself woei you bastard. seriously kiasu guy. reli tak tahan him d.
losing to becca isn't much a great deal. if my mark is originally losing to her I DUN MIND you know. I mean, you got ur marks deducted for NO REASON and it AFFECTS YOUR CLASS POSITION, WILL YOU FEEL FRUSTRATED!!!???? I tell you I am so gonna get 80 for my BM next time and show him MY BM IS STRONG AND DOES NOT GAIN MARKS THRU BEGGING. if he still says wah 80 tinggi and go minus my marks ar, I reli going to tell the adminstration man. HOW CAN A TEACHER MINUS MARKS JUST BECAUSE HE FEELS LIKE HE WANTED TO DO SO???
Saturday, March 15, 2008
naze naze naze naze naze DOSHITE!!!!???
Getting to explode. Why is the god so unfair? You didn't give me a new friend good enought to share my problems, but instead you gave me 2 more f***ing damn fools to deal with. As if my life is not miserable enough. Why do I have to face some effing noob to deal with in school who keeps bother me, and even when I am suppose to relax at home in front of computer I have to face another damn freaking noob!!!??? THIS IS THE WORST!!!!
I think I should quit on9, quit messenger. It's like nobody on9 to chat with me, but on9 to bother me. YOU ARE MAKING MY LIFE MISERABLE!!!!! OH PLS, CAN U JUST GIVE ME MORE FREEDOM!!!!!!!????? DONT MAKE ME START HATING EVERY SINGLE HUMAN BEING IN THIS WORLD!!!!!!!! DONT MAKE ME BLOCK YOU FOR GODS SAKE. AND PLS DONT GIVE MY MAIL ADDRESS TO SIMPLY ANYBODY JUST IN CASE I HAVE TO MEET UP WITH MORE F***ING NOOBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOD U ARE SO UNFAIR! U MAKE ME IN A STUPID CLASS, AND U CREATE DISTANCE BETWEEN ME AND MY BEST FRIENDS. U R MAKING ME TO LOSE THEM, WE STARTING TO LOSE CONTACT, AND YET U GIVE MORE FREAKING F***ING FREAKS TO DEAL WITH. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS????? AM I SUPPOSE TO THANK YOU FOR THAT???? MY LIFE IS HELL STRESSFUL ENOUGH AND YOU BRINGFORTH MORE STRESS TO ME. IF THIS IS A JOKE PLS CUT IT OUT. DONT MAKE ME JUMP FROM ROOF ONE DAY JUST TO GO AND LOOK FOR YOU FOR REVENGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I dunno what am I on9 for now. on9 originally is to release my stress, but it is making me more frustrated. I realise i am getting hot-tempered these days but I couldn't help it. Its like...an alternative way for me to release my stress and anger, but on someone that shouldn't deserved to be treated that way. The only thing I can do is to release them here, but blogging here didn't help me at all, its just another way to suppress the feeling, and one day its most likely going to explode.
I thought giving myself more stress and pressure would make me forget the other things. I tent to volunteer for this for that and make more burden to myself so I can work on those stuff and forget the others, but continuosly doing this really worn me out. I am so tired and I couldn't even think right. This holiday seriously did not had a good rest. ITS ALL ABOUT YE!!!!! calling and calling, and spent 10 bucks just on the day I reload my phone. planning and planning, thinking and thinking. THIS HOLIDAY IS NOT A REST!!!! ITS A PERIOD TO DO MORE WORK!!!!!!!! You see my to-do list few post ago? I have only done half of them and school's reopening in 32 hours time.
damnit. I feel like an old man, I feel like I couldn't cope up with my life anymore. THERE'S NOTHING GOOD TO BE ADMIRED AS THE MANAGING DIRECTOR OR WHAT!!! IF YOU WANT THE POSE JUST TAKE IT!!!!!!!! I RATHER BE A NORMAL MEMBER JUST TO SIT DOWN AND FOLLOW WHAT PPL HAS PLANNED. I HATE DOING PLANNINGS NOW. this post is all about frustration and I even had a gastric till now what I've typed. I feel like breaking things up. I hate ppl that always throw everything to me by adding a word "boss" at the end. It makes me feel like I have the responsibility to do it, WHEN WHAT A BOSS DOES IS SUPPOSE TO ORDER PPL TO DO THINGS.
Have I the right to call pplto chill and not to be miserable and don't be depressed? I DONT EVEN HAVE THE RIGHT TO. How foolish am I when I was leaving comments on other ppl's blog to ask them to chill or so. Yea saying chill is so easy. It's not making the person to feel any better, but rather feel like an insult. It sounded as if they ask you to chill and suppress your feelings and dont show it in front of me, then go home to release your feeling to the wall or anything. Right now just listen to me kind of feeling. If it happens so to you when I dropped a comment, I apoologize for my foolishness. By then I was only trying to show you my support, I hope you dont misunderstand. Maybe it sounded an insult when I did not state things clear.
yea kai boon is back emo-ing, but if that's what you think you're wrong. I AM ALWAYS EMO-ING. just that I didn't show that I am in a depression. Showing it too much, ppl will say "this guy is trying to get attention", don't show it, your friend will say "why keep it to yourself, share it" who can I share with??? I am cut off from any form of connection with everyone I can trust. I always acted so hyper-ish and so funny-ish but I feel I am very fake. I am covering the fact that I am not happy at all when doing those things that you only do when you are in a good mood. I just hate the fact that I have to go all the way to you to tell you I am in a depression if you are my best friend. I thought you should have noticed that I am sort of different than the usual me. Is it too much to ask you to just come foward and ask about how am I doing? Or is it that you are not bothered with what's happening to me? That's the reason, the reason, I share less with you. my joy my tears my depression my crush my current self, I realise I share none of them with you. Are we that close so that we can share the uppest most secret with each other?
As to another friend, another best friend. I wished to help, but I couldn't find the way to. I couldn't help, I feel like I shouldn't bother you for help either, altho you said you are always willing to help me, and it sounded sincere, but I just couldn't ask myself to get help from you anymore. I feel as if I am a bother, I am only seeking help but I don't lend my hands. I tried to reach you, but it always seem hard to reach. I couldn't bare to ask anymre help from you anymore. I don't want to be a leech just to leech out all the energy you have left to help me, when you are so fragile yourself and need the energy to stand up.
where is the me that I used to be??? I am lost. I want to find the me that I used to be. I wanna be happy, I wanna play. Even going out for a friend meeting, its not a meeting that I can actually put everything aside and really enjoy myself. Despite that I seem happy enough, but the day before actually stressed me a lot. We were having a meeting in amcorp for YE. It chills me from inside out. I keep having these "YE ghost" to haunt me everytime I thought I was laughing in full joy. It worns me out just to last for 6 hours and I have to sit down and take a 5 minute nap, which it never happens even I went for a 10 hours outing with a whole gang of friends before. I seriously want to drop this pose. I don't want to be MD, whats the point of getting gerko marks, chance of getting into uni, chance of being petted by the teacher? ITS ALL WORTHLESS. If I can, I would rather be someone else, that has no name in school, someone that teacher will never notice, which nobody recognise, I just feel that the more the teacher looks highly on me and put more hopes on me, it gives me more and more stress. I JUST WANNA SCREAM!!!! What you guys said the day before, "what pose what pose you can get next year" IT CHILLS ME INSIDE OUT. It gives me a sense that I have so much responsibility and so much to do.
Being miserable is part of growing up, but being THIS miserable? I doubt.
I think I should quit on9, quit messenger. It's like nobody on9 to chat with me, but on9 to bother me. YOU ARE MAKING MY LIFE MISERABLE!!!!! OH PLS, CAN U JUST GIVE ME MORE FREEDOM!!!!!!!????? DONT MAKE ME START HATING EVERY SINGLE HUMAN BEING IN THIS WORLD!!!!!!!! DONT MAKE ME BLOCK YOU FOR GODS SAKE. AND PLS DONT GIVE MY MAIL ADDRESS TO SIMPLY ANYBODY JUST IN CASE I HAVE TO MEET UP WITH MORE F***ING NOOBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOD U ARE SO UNFAIR! U MAKE ME IN A STUPID CLASS, AND U CREATE DISTANCE BETWEEN ME AND MY BEST FRIENDS. U R MAKING ME TO LOSE THEM, WE STARTING TO LOSE CONTACT, AND YET U GIVE MORE FREAKING F***ING FREAKS TO DEAL WITH. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS????? AM I SUPPOSE TO THANK YOU FOR THAT???? MY LIFE IS HELL STRESSFUL ENOUGH AND YOU BRINGFORTH MORE STRESS TO ME. IF THIS IS A JOKE PLS CUT IT OUT. DONT MAKE ME JUMP FROM ROOF ONE DAY JUST TO GO AND LOOK FOR YOU FOR REVENGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I dunno what am I on9 for now. on9 originally is to release my stress, but it is making me more frustrated. I realise i am getting hot-tempered these days but I couldn't help it. Its like...an alternative way for me to release my stress and anger, but on someone that shouldn't deserved to be treated that way. The only thing I can do is to release them here, but blogging here didn't help me at all, its just another way to suppress the feeling, and one day its most likely going to explode.
I thought giving myself more stress and pressure would make me forget the other things. I tent to volunteer for this for that and make more burden to myself so I can work on those stuff and forget the others, but continuosly doing this really worn me out. I am so tired and I couldn't even think right. This holiday seriously did not had a good rest. ITS ALL ABOUT YE!!!!! calling and calling, and spent 10 bucks just on the day I reload my phone. planning and planning, thinking and thinking. THIS HOLIDAY IS NOT A REST!!!! ITS A PERIOD TO DO MORE WORK!!!!!!!! You see my to-do list few post ago? I have only done half of them and school's reopening in 32 hours time.
damnit. I feel like an old man, I feel like I couldn't cope up with my life anymore. THERE'S NOTHING GOOD TO BE ADMIRED AS THE MANAGING DIRECTOR OR WHAT!!! IF YOU WANT THE POSE JUST TAKE IT!!!!!!!! I RATHER BE A NORMAL MEMBER JUST TO SIT DOWN AND FOLLOW WHAT PPL HAS PLANNED. I HATE DOING PLANNINGS NOW. this post is all about frustration and I even had a gastric till now what I've typed. I feel like breaking things up. I hate ppl that always throw everything to me by adding a word "boss" at the end. It makes me feel like I have the responsibility to do it, WHEN WHAT A BOSS DOES IS SUPPOSE TO ORDER PPL TO DO THINGS.
Have I the right to call pplto chill and not to be miserable and don't be depressed? I DONT EVEN HAVE THE RIGHT TO. How foolish am I when I was leaving comments on other ppl's blog to ask them to chill or so. Yea saying chill is so easy. It's not making the person to feel any better, but rather feel like an insult. It sounded as if they ask you to chill and suppress your feelings and dont show it in front of me, then go home to release your feeling to the wall or anything. Right now just listen to me kind of feeling. If it happens so to you when I dropped a comment, I apoologize for my foolishness. By then I was only trying to show you my support, I hope you dont misunderstand. Maybe it sounded an insult when I did not state things clear.
yea kai boon is back emo-ing, but if that's what you think you're wrong. I AM ALWAYS EMO-ING. just that I didn't show that I am in a depression. Showing it too much, ppl will say "this guy is trying to get attention", don't show it, your friend will say "why keep it to yourself, share it" who can I share with??? I am cut off from any form of connection with everyone I can trust. I always acted so hyper-ish and so funny-ish but I feel I am very fake. I am covering the fact that I am not happy at all when doing those things that you only do when you are in a good mood. I just hate the fact that I have to go all the way to you to tell you I am in a depression if you are my best friend. I thought you should have noticed that I am sort of different than the usual me. Is it too much to ask you to just come foward and ask about how am I doing? Or is it that you are not bothered with what's happening to me? That's the reason, the reason, I share less with you. my joy my tears my depression my crush my current self, I realise I share none of them with you. Are we that close so that we can share the uppest most secret with each other?
As to another friend, another best friend. I wished to help, but I couldn't find the way to. I couldn't help, I feel like I shouldn't bother you for help either, altho you said you are always willing to help me, and it sounded sincere, but I just couldn't ask myself to get help from you anymore. I feel as if I am a bother, I am only seeking help but I don't lend my hands. I tried to reach you, but it always seem hard to reach. I couldn't bare to ask anymre help from you anymore. I don't want to be a leech just to leech out all the energy you have left to help me, when you are so fragile yourself and need the energy to stand up.
where is the me that I used to be??? I am lost. I want to find the me that I used to be. I wanna be happy, I wanna play. Even going out for a friend meeting, its not a meeting that I can actually put everything aside and really enjoy myself. Despite that I seem happy enough, but the day before actually stressed me a lot. We were having a meeting in amcorp for YE. It chills me from inside out. I keep having these "YE ghost" to haunt me everytime I thought I was laughing in full joy. It worns me out just to last for 6 hours and I have to sit down and take a 5 minute nap, which it never happens even I went for a 10 hours outing with a whole gang of friends before. I seriously want to drop this pose. I don't want to be MD, whats the point of getting gerko marks, chance of getting into uni, chance of being petted by the teacher? ITS ALL WORTHLESS. If I can, I would rather be someone else, that has no name in school, someone that teacher will never notice, which nobody recognise, I just feel that the more the teacher looks highly on me and put more hopes on me, it gives me more and more stress. I JUST WANNA SCREAM!!!! What you guys said the day before, "what pose what pose you can get next year" IT CHILLS ME INSIDE OUT. It gives me a sense that I have so much responsibility and so much to do.
Being miserable is part of growing up, but being THIS miserable? I doubt.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Drown in exam papers....
Ok damn, I just asked someone not to make my life more miserable, and yet this stupid blog is making my life more miserable, finished my entry and trying to post it, and error occurs and I gotta re-type...
Ok chill, let's start again.
Exam is as hellish as usual, especially when you cannot finish your add-maths, and you dunno what the heck is the question of the Karangan rangsangan in BM paper asking, and the rubbish truck down there is disturbing you throughout the time when you are having chem paper.
next week's paper will be harder, but yet I can't really be bothered to study. I can be traveling to somewhere while studying, which is like so not-right, and it's not thinking of something good, but something bad, those emo-ish things. Had chem n bm paper 2day, and I just started the studies of these subjects yesterday night at 8.30 and I slept at 10, when i am only halfway through my Chem study. Woke up at 3.30 to continue my chem and at 5 only I started BM.
Torturing myself eh? If I could just study earlier I wouldn't have to interupt my goodnight-sleep. But yet, I am doing so. Throughout these few days I even find myself busy watching anime Shakugan no Shana, which I promised my mom only to watch it after exam, but yet every single afternoon I am in front of my computer watching tit, which explains why I just started my studies at night.
And when I thought I can get rid of the freak during exam period, the reality proves me wrong. The freak still keep bugging me (tho less that usual), heck, just let go of me already, I couldn't stand my life now, pls just don't make my life more miserable damn it!
The end of story, and I hope this post goes well...
Ok chill, let's start again.
Exam is as hellish as usual, especially when you cannot finish your add-maths, and you dunno what the heck is the question of the Karangan rangsangan in BM paper asking, and the rubbish truck down there is disturbing you throughout the time when you are having chem paper.
next week's paper will be harder, but yet I can't really be bothered to study. I can be traveling to somewhere while studying, which is like so not-right, and it's not thinking of something good, but something bad, those emo-ish things. Had chem n bm paper 2day, and I just started the studies of these subjects yesterday night at 8.30 and I slept at 10, when i am only halfway through my Chem study. Woke up at 3.30 to continue my chem and at 5 only I started BM.
Torturing myself eh? If I could just study earlier I wouldn't have to interupt my goodnight-sleep. But yet, I am doing so. Throughout these few days I even find myself busy watching anime Shakugan no Shana, which I promised my mom only to watch it after exam, but yet every single afternoon I am in front of my computer watching tit, which explains why I just started my studies at night.
And when I thought I can get rid of the freak during exam period, the reality proves me wrong. The freak still keep bugging me (tho less that usual), heck, just let go of me already, I couldn't stand my life now, pls just don't make my life more miserable damn it!
The end of story, and I hope this post goes well...
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