Drown in exam papers....

Ok damn, I just asked someone not to make my life more miserable, and yet this stupid blog is making my life more miserable, finished my entry and trying to post it, and error occurs and I gotta re-type...

Ok chill, let's start again.

Exam is as hellish as usual, especially when you cannot finish your add-maths, and you dunno what the heck is the question of the Karangan rangsangan in BM paper asking, and the rubbish truck down there is disturbing you throughout the time when you are having chem paper.

next week's paper will be harder, but yet I can't really be bothered to study. I can be traveling to somewhere while studying, which is like so not-right, and it's not thinking of something good, but something bad, those emo-ish things. Had chem n bm paper 2day, and I just started the studies of these subjects yesterday night at 8.30 and I slept at 10, when i am only halfway through my Chem study. Woke up at 3.30 to continue my chem and at 5 only I started BM.

Torturing myself eh? If I could just study earlier I wouldn't have to interupt my goodnight-sleep. But yet, I am doing so. Throughout these few days I even find myself busy watching anime Shakugan no Shana, which I promised my mom only to watch it after exam, but yet every single afternoon I am in front of my computer watching tit, which explains why I just started my studies at night.

And when I thought I can get rid of the freak during exam period, the reality proves me wrong. The freak still keep bugging me (tho less that usual), heck, just let go of me already, I couldn't stand my life now, pls just don't make my life more miserable damn it!

The end of story, and I hope this post goes well...

Freaking Emo Before The Exam!!!

Freaking emo!!!

I noticed that every time before exam I will definitely have this emo-kind of feeling, which really pissed me! i wonder why, is it stress that causes me emo? It's like ruining my study-mood! sigh...I haven't even studied for any subject not until 2 hours ago, which is just preparing for 2moro up-coming add-maths. And I just did like 4 questions and I've got no mood to continue. I am preparing to die for add-maths. Now I notice that this line really come into help (sorta) - Time Is Gold. 2moro add-maths, yes I can do it, I just need more than 1 and a half hour to do so, so......die only la! Past year question I got only 61.25%, which is like so freaking low...Really going to die 2moro d.

Emo Emo Emo Emo Emo Emo Emo...........................

I seriously can't stand my life. It's like...got cut off from any form of connections outside. I can't even find a topic with any of my used-to-be close-friends, when they are busying talking about their class-events among themselves. It's like, S4 will talk to S4 more, and S3 talk with S3 more, it's normal, you can't just ask someone else from other class about what books to bring, or what homework we have, or where has the teacher taught.

So I am cut off from the prefects-society. I often find myself sitting there listening to what people talking only, which sometimes, are things that I don't even have a clue. In class...hell! I gotta face that "particular-person" every single moment. I really really can't stand the person's attitude. Those who you know who is that, just keep quiet okay? As usual, the person will do something, insane behaviour kind. Damn!!! Damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stop bugging me you freak! you are really driving me nuts!!!!!

I seriously, find nothing is left, and what's the meaning of living. I gotta face a freak in class, and after school go home face my dad, another freak. And I got no sense of living at all. I can't even find a person to talk to!!!!!!!! What reliefs me is when we are going Bio and Chem lab, at least, still got Chen Nyap to talk with. I am like, not doing any social-communication with anyone anymore, not until I go to the lab.

I seriously never feel so freaking lonely before. I often can find at least, one person to talk with me. Now I couldn't even find a person whom I am comfortable with to talk with. Am I being forgotten? Am I not noticable? I guess I am...from the reaction you gave me that day, from what you did, I think I am no longer existing.

Standing beside you is pain, esspecially when I feel like an outsider. Keeping distance from you is pain, as I couldn't feel the connection between us anymore. Running from you is pain, as our bond is broken that I have to face my sorrow alone.

sen no yoru wo koete - overcoming Thousand of Nights, now...is only 55 days...

It's pain to see you from the side.
It's pain being left out. It's pain being forgotten.
It's pain being alone.
It's pain to smile even when I don't feel happy.
It's pain to look strong when I am torn.
It's pain to hide what I feel.
It's pain.....to live......
I wanna run from pain...

"ore wa tada jibun dake, tada wa hitori dake, dare mo mieru janai, itsumo, mirai mo...kako no yuujou, kimi no yasashii...ima kieteru...ore no kimochi, ore no kodoku, anata wakaru? dare ka wakaru?"

PPPPPAAAAIIIIIINNNNNNNN!!!!!!

As the title tells you I am in pain...the side-effect of the duty after the photoshoot session. For the two days I gotta move with like...extra caution or else I'll just go "omg pain!" and a "aww!!!" sound will appear from nowhere. (going up and down the stairs is esspecially......giving me a chill-to-the-bones kind of feeling)

well, not only the body is in pain, looking at the pile of homework as the result of not-going-into-class for 2 days gives me eye-sore, yes this time is my eyes that are in pain ok, (yay suteng, how could we get such dedicated teachers who give so much of homework? *sacarsms* *suteng will be like "screeeeeaaaaammmmssssss"*)

and the 3rd pain, mentally in pain, dude exam is just around the corner man, I gotta deal with all the homework and no time left to study!! (how come got time to on9 1 harh?) aiya relaxing a bit ma, facing all the homework will die 1 la. XD Exam will be like, 4 days time, first day add-maths, still ok la, 2nd day chem n bm, okok la, and then got 2 days to study, thank god, now deal with the 3 subjects that are coming this week first.

and to everyone that are still out here enjoying your on9 time like me, wish all of you good luck in your exams! (those only see this after exam 1 ar, 2 bad la, just pretend I didn't wish you all good luck for exam lolx) And for wishing you all luck, I want repay!!!! (zzzzz) Wish me luck too!!! =D

Photoshoot is finally over! (And so as Chinese New Year *sobs*)

Only one word I can describe of photoshoot session : tiring...

As the ketua koridor, I was running all around the corridor (duh), and wherever the cameraman goes, but how I wish I can split myself into two! corridor is really lack of men power. First day was, chaotic, second day, messy...I keep changing my plan, asking for more people but it didn't help, so at the end I gotta change to Plan C, yes its plan C, not plan B, by asking the probays and people to run following the cameraman with me. At first it went quite well, but some people started to thinkthat corridor is a boring place, they rather go to the stations and go ordering people go left go right, and did not tell me where they went.

I was quite pissed la, and I think I spoke quite harshly at the end due to the frustrations and the tiredness. In the briefing session we mentioned that corridor is the most important place, but yet they take it lightly and go kepo in stations which they shouldn't be in, and leave the corridor empty. There were many cases where I just shoo the people from the tar road away then people walking near the corridor; shoo them away people walking at the tar road again...sigh...

After the first day duty my legs totally went numb...really really cannot walk properly. and the second day, the weather is hot, and running around really eats energy. At first Plan C went out quite well, but the 2nd shift, people just suka suka change duty with someone else, and I don't know who is under me, and I keep losing sign of the corridors people, so I have to run even when I can barely walk properly, up and down the staircases. During the 2nd shift I totally don't know what was I doing, I only knew I ran a lot...and when the photoshoot is finally over, I was like...robot stop functioning...and feel like sleeping on the spot where I was standing right away...I am really really really (x100) exhausted...

and what waiting me are prefects' marching and rumah ungu......

Compensation

For what I've done, I have to compensate for them. Even though nothing could be done to fix my mistake that I made before, but yet I was striving to prove that I am changing.

I admit, due to some idiotic childish thinking of mine, I hurt many people in the past. SOme forgived me, some do not want to bother to talk about the things in the past. But I know, no matter what I try to do, there is no compensation for what I've done. I realised that I am no longer a friend, but only a protector by your side. I do what I can to help you, I will do everything I can even if it would cost me all I can give. It is my rightful punishment that couldn't heal the wound I left for you.

I could not be forgiven, I do not seek for understanding, I seek for - compensation. "Sorry no cure", I wouldn't want to ask for your forgiveness, all I ask from you, is the chance to prove you my heart, I will compensate for my mistake as long I can breath.

Too many people that I need to compensate for, and tomorrow, I have to compensate for another person, that I've hurt in the incident before...

Malaysia police

ok, today reached home after the EST class, it was 5.30, waited for my dad to fetch me after his work la (sigh so envy those who has 24hours-standby parents) so tired, poof and just go to sleep, meanwhile...something happened, well...not when I sleep actually, is when I was in school, haha, so the meanwhile actually should put after EST class before my dad fetch me. XD

2 guys, which I don't know are Malays or Indians, robbed 4 high school students, beside my house, which was not witnessed by any of the people around, but only to come for kepo when they heard yelling groaning screaming shouting and HELP HELP sound. (maybe TOLONG TOLONG) one of the student was hit hard on his head and bleed, because he refuses to give up his wallet just like that, sigh pity guy.

But, but, the incident happened at around 4 o clock, and right now is already 9.30, but no police had came to ask this ask that. According to the mom of the student, she had called 999 for police and ambulans, but, in don't know how long none had arrived so she gotta ask help from her husband.

5 hours 30 minutes, no police man! walao A, this is why, robbers dare to commit crimes, because even if you have the time to run for like 10 minutes and call the police for help, but no police will come to your rescue even in 5 hours time! the robbers understand malaysia police too well, so they know the police are too lazy to even move an inch of their finger, why bother to fear for the law? commit crimes aje la! ppl call police the police oso dun care, after dat baru come n ask how he looks ar, wat he did ar, and then they say okok we investigate. but to them, these minor criminals are nothing, as long no death is concerned, you broke your legs oso nobody care la. so, they say they investigate, they write a report or summary, put it there for few weeks, and then will tell you, cannot la, i cant find the robbers cause' you didn't give me sufficient clues. case closed.

when you see malaysia police attitude and how they carry out their work, you know why malaysia has such many crimes commited in a year, and which the police will always say, too many cases, we cannot gaodim all of them. if your attitude is better, you come right after the call is made, you don't even have to solve so many case la. haiyo...malaysia memang malaysia...

n now problem arrises. hello? I gotta walk from the kopitiam to my house which is on the 9th street, if I take a public bus home leh. What happens if I kena rob ar? 4 high school students they oso dare to rob, no nid 2 say when it is only me la...haix...cham la me...next time need extra cautious when I walk home d.

Random Crappings (which I always do)

ok, in the recess, I bought the roti canai, roti planta, which is roti gula...so sweet la, oh my god, nearly puke, at the end didn't finish it and buy bread to eat....eww...the roti planta is worse than the roti kosong la, last time bought roti kosong and thought no taste, so decided to try planta...seems like i made a stupid decision...

so today afternoon, tried to make the announcement for the photoshoot thingy for the afternoon session. "Good afternoon, this is an announcement....etc" when I stepped down the stage, nobody came to get their schedules, which is like, argghhh, don't make me wait like an idiot. So I passed the schedules of each class around, and what about the house captains?

I went up again "can the captain of each houses as well as the head of afternoon session prefectorial board and lkt pls gather at the left hand side of the hall" and here comes pn.cheam, stopping me cause the assembly is starting. ah fine, 3rd time making announcement, pls gather after the assembly and cabut...

around 1.35, remake the announcement, and then, ok...finally I passed them out. graaahhh!!!! damn....and then return to canteen to continue with the cold food...with my mouth with a big ulser...

and then came back from badminton which was like 3.40, was pulled to attend the selection of the representative for olympiad maths competition...for god's sake i won't want to participate for the competition la, why pull me for the exam??? and then he gives me 20 minutes (thanks edmund *sacarsm*) to finish 4 questions, which in the competition we should use 2 hours....hey come on la, go and not go same only la, firstly, I don't want to sit for it, 2nd, if you really think you want me to take the test, give me 2 hours instead of 20 minutes, 3rd, I am tired, you need full concentration on doing olympiad maths ok, even school level add maths oso needs full concentration la.

...

at night during dinner, my dad noticed that I eat....funnily...? And he knew I had a big ulser and forced me to drink some dunno-what-chinese-medical-herb-cooked....juice...? or just say liquid...or drink...ok I prefer drink...that's definitely not juice, anyone will enjoy drinking juice but not....this....the taste is like....horrible....feels like....dunno how 2 describe...haha...not sour, not bitter, its like...something that resembles the smell of chinese traditional herb, if you ever went to one of the herb store you will definitely know what it smells...I drank a cup full woi....yuck yuck....even my tongue still has its taste now...eww...

Officially moved to blogger

*screams* ok, now I am officially moved from xanga to blogger. because...everyone is using blogger lolx

nolar, actually is that, xanga is harder to post, and harder to use, compared to blogger, in my opinion, just my opinion ok, maybe i am too *noob* to use xanga.

and another reason is....CHATBOX!!!! no chatbox in xanga la, i feel like nobody is replying lolx (which is good, maybe in some cases), but seomtimes need feedbacks, therefore i chose to move to blogger.

won't delete the xanga, in anyway, it was still some kind of my little diary. ok, that's all for the *introduction post*