Interview

I think I made the right choice. Altho in just a day I decided to give up the goal I've set since 1 year ago. But I think I made it right. It's not the pose that matters me, what matters is how will the prefects work together.

Indeed, I did a lot of things to make sure I didn't say the wrong thing in the interview. I even read the paper I prepared again and again - Just to make sure my desire of getting the head prefect pose doesn't beat my sense that being the asst. might be better than me being the head.

i just can't believe one year has passed. I've been in stress without being concious to it, until these days I somewhat realised how stressed I am. Too much expectation, but I think I will fail them. But it is good to finally release what I was feeling. For the past year I never cry for this thing. Today I cried - I made a right decision.

It might not be the right decision in others' eyes - yes I am always been misunderstood by people. They judge the negative side of every single action I did, even though I never even thought of serving the board is a way to get attention or to impress the seniors and teachers, but people did judge me like that. It would be hard to believe someone actually just do something for the board without any motive, even I don't believe. But indeed, I tried to ask myself what is my real motive, the feeling of getting all the spotlight isn't the first answer I got. I feel responsible for the board. I love the board more than anything else. Believe it or not is your choice. I don't want to clarify my stand or what so ever, as long as I know what I am doing, I don't have to care how others think about me.

I've never tell anyone about what I feel or how I feel. I just don't know what I feel, to be exact. In fact, close friends' betrayal is more than any backstabbing, it hurts the most, but yet it's what I always receive. They say it's out of jealousy. I wouldn't want to think like that on my friends, but I couldn't find any other reason for it.

I think I've grown up. I am not the me two years ago. I understand why people misunderstand me. For what I was two years ago. It is hard to change people's impression. I don't mind. I get what I deserve. But I just want to say - I think I've grown up. I think I've made the right choice. And I don't care what you think about me. I am I. You don't have to agree with me. Nobody asks you to.