Getting to explode. Why is the god so unfair? You didn't give me a new friend good enought to share my problems, but instead you gave me 2 more f***ing damn fools to deal with. As if my life is not miserable enough. Why do I have to face some effing noob to deal with in school who keeps bother me, and even when I am suppose to relax at home in front of computer I have to face another damn freaking noob!!!??? THIS IS THE WORST!!!!
I think I should quit on9, quit messenger. It's like nobody on9 to chat with me, but on9 to bother me. YOU ARE MAKING MY LIFE MISERABLE!!!!! OH PLS, CAN U JUST GIVE ME MORE FREEDOM!!!!!!!????? DONT MAKE ME START HATING EVERY SINGLE HUMAN BEING IN THIS WORLD!!!!!!!! DONT MAKE ME BLOCK YOU FOR GODS SAKE. AND PLS DONT GIVE MY MAIL ADDRESS TO SIMPLY ANYBODY JUST IN CASE I HAVE TO MEET UP WITH MORE F***ING NOOBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOD U ARE SO UNFAIR! U MAKE ME IN A STUPID CLASS, AND U CREATE DISTANCE BETWEEN ME AND MY BEST FRIENDS. U R MAKING ME TO LOSE THEM, WE STARTING TO LOSE CONTACT, AND YET U GIVE MORE FREAKING F***ING FREAKS TO DEAL WITH. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS????? AM I SUPPOSE TO THANK YOU FOR THAT???? MY LIFE IS HELL STRESSFUL ENOUGH AND YOU BRINGFORTH MORE STRESS TO ME. IF THIS IS A JOKE PLS CUT IT OUT. DONT MAKE ME JUMP FROM ROOF ONE DAY JUST TO GO AND LOOK FOR YOU FOR REVENGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I dunno what am I on9 for now. on9 originally is to release my stress, but it is making me more frustrated. I realise i am getting hot-tempered these days but I couldn't help it. Its like...an alternative way for me to release my stress and anger, but on someone that shouldn't deserved to be treated that way. The only thing I can do is to release them here, but blogging here didn't help me at all, its just another way to suppress the feeling, and one day its most likely going to explode.
I thought giving myself more stress and pressure would make me forget the other things. I tent to volunteer for this for that and make more burden to myself so I can work on those stuff and forget the others, but continuosly doing this really worn me out. I am so tired and I couldn't even think right. This holiday seriously did not had a good rest. ITS ALL ABOUT YE!!!!! calling and calling, and spent 10 bucks just on the day I reload my phone. planning and planning, thinking and thinking. THIS HOLIDAY IS NOT A REST!!!! ITS A PERIOD TO DO MORE WORK!!!!!!!! You see my to-do list few post ago? I have only done half of them and school's reopening in 32 hours time.
damnit. I feel like an old man, I feel like I couldn't cope up with my life anymore. THERE'S NOTHING GOOD TO BE ADMIRED AS THE MANAGING DIRECTOR OR WHAT!!! IF YOU WANT THE POSE JUST TAKE IT!!!!!!!! I RATHER BE A NORMAL MEMBER JUST TO SIT DOWN AND FOLLOW WHAT PPL HAS PLANNED. I HATE DOING PLANNINGS NOW. this post is all about frustration and I even had a gastric till now what I've typed. I feel like breaking things up. I hate ppl that always throw everything to me by adding a word "boss" at the end. It makes me feel like I have the responsibility to do it, WHEN WHAT A BOSS DOES IS SUPPOSE TO ORDER PPL TO DO THINGS.
Have I the right to call pplto chill and not to be miserable and don't be depressed? I DONT EVEN HAVE THE RIGHT TO. How foolish am I when I was leaving comments on other ppl's blog to ask them to chill or so. Yea saying chill is so easy. It's not making the person to feel any better, but rather feel like an insult. It sounded as if they ask you to chill and suppress your feelings and dont show it in front of me, then go home to release your feeling to the wall or anything. Right now just listen to me kind of feeling. If it happens so to you when I dropped a comment, I apoologize for my foolishness. By then I was only trying to show you my support, I hope you dont misunderstand. Maybe it sounded an insult when I did not state things clear.
yea kai boon is back emo-ing, but if that's what you think you're wrong. I AM ALWAYS EMO-ING. just that I didn't show that I am in a depression. Showing it too much, ppl will say "this guy is trying to get attention", don't show it, your friend will say "why keep it to yourself, share it" who can I share with??? I am cut off from any form of connection with everyone I can trust. I always acted so hyper-ish and so funny-ish but I feel I am very fake. I am covering the fact that I am not happy at all when doing those things that you only do when you are in a good mood. I just hate the fact that I have to go all the way to you to tell you I am in a depression if you are my best friend. I thought you should have noticed that I am sort of different than the usual me. Is it too much to ask you to just come foward and ask about how am I doing? Or is it that you are not bothered with what's happening to me? That's the reason, the reason, I share less with you. my joy my tears my depression my crush my current self, I realise I share none of them with you. Are we that close so that we can share the uppest most secret with each other?
As to another friend, another best friend. I wished to help, but I couldn't find the way to. I couldn't help, I feel like I shouldn't bother you for help either, altho you said you are always willing to help me, and it sounded sincere, but I just couldn't ask myself to get help from you anymore. I feel as if I am a bother, I am only seeking help but I don't lend my hands. I tried to reach you, but it always seem hard to reach. I couldn't bare to ask anymre help from you anymore. I don't want to be a leech just to leech out all the energy you have left to help me, when you are so fragile yourself and need the energy to stand up.
where is the me that I used to be??? I am lost. I want to find the me that I used to be. I wanna be happy, I wanna play. Even going out for a friend meeting, its not a meeting that I can actually put everything aside and really enjoy myself. Despite that I seem happy enough, but the day before actually stressed me a lot. We were having a meeting in amcorp for YE. It chills me from inside out. I keep having these "YE ghost" to haunt me everytime I thought I was laughing in full joy. It worns me out just to last for 6 hours and I have to sit down and take a 5 minute nap, which it never happens even I went for a 10 hours outing with a whole gang of friends before. I seriously want to drop this pose. I don't want to be MD, whats the point of getting gerko marks, chance of getting into uni, chance of being petted by the teacher? ITS ALL WORTHLESS. If I can, I would rather be someone else, that has no name in school, someone that teacher will never notice, which nobody recognise, I just feel that the more the teacher looks highly on me and put more hopes on me, it gives me more and more stress. I JUST WANNA SCREAM!!!! What you guys said the day before, "what pose what pose you can get next year" IT CHILLS ME INSIDE OUT. It gives me a sense that I have so much responsibility and so much to do.
Being miserable is part of growing up, but being THIS miserable? I doubt.
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